Thank me. Thank me so very much. Even though this is ostensibly a graduation speech it is really about me. My ratings have been slipping of late and my media advisors said a photo-op in Bagram and a speech at West Point will boost the polls by about 3 points.
Among you is the first all-female command team, which I mention as an accomplishment, since there’s nothing else I can boast of. You are the first class to graduate since 9/11 who may not be sent into combat in Iraq or Afghanistan though you will probably see action elsewhere, as everything is going to hell in a handbasket. But I mention it as another kind of fake accomplishment, the only other thing I can think of other than the all-female command team.
. . .
So we must choose our enemies carefully. For the foreseeable future, the most direct threat to America, at home and abroad, is Climate Change. You might be saying WTF? But consider that it’s a whole lot easier than fighting al-Qaeda. Who would you rather go up against? Mark Steyn or Zarqawi. I rest my case.
. . .
I just want you to remember, in case you feel like blaming me, that it’s Bush’s fault.
President Blah Blah Blah, Moral Preener in Chief
John Kass described in January 2014 how tired many of us are of President Blah Blah Blah:
The prospect of listening to him blah blah blah his way through three more of these annual speeches is enough to cause the nation to curl up on the floor in the fetal position and start breathing from a brown paper bag. The man is talking the country to death, and we can’t take anymore.
Please, just STFU.
However, we do need a Revolving Door Tax (RDT), learn what Members of Congress pay in taxes, and prosecute politicians and staff and their “family and friends” who profit from insider trading. Oh, and pay “public servants” what they are worth.